According to KidsHealth.org when children feel good about themselves, it sets them up for success — in everything from school to friendships. Positive feelings like self-acceptance or self-confidence help kids try new challenges, cope with mistakes, and try again. Taking pride in their abilities and accomplishments helps kids do their best.
By contrast, kids with low self-esteem might feel unsure of themselves. If they think others won't accept them, they may not participate as often. They may allow themselves to be treated poorly and have a hard time standing up for themselves. Kids who don't expect to do well may avoid challenges, give up easily, or be unable to bounce back from mistakes.
Having low self-esteem can block success. It can leave kids distracted by the stress of how to deal with everyday challenges.
How Self-Esteem Develops
Contrary to what some might think, self-esteem does not come telling kids they're wonderful, special, and great (even though they are!). Giving every child a trophy doesn't help kids' self-esteem. Indeed, it's possible for kids to feel good about themselves even when they fail.
When children compete — win or lose — they see that their own hard work and practice can make a difference. Earning a prize contributes to self-esteem only when a kid knows he or she earned it.
Self-esteem is the result of experiences that help a child feel capable, effective, and accepted.
How Martial Arts training can help
When kids learn to do things for themselves and feel proud of what they can do, they feel capable. Martial Arts is fun to learn and performing moves with a class build competence and then confidence.
Children feel effective when they see that good things come from efforts like trying hard, getting close to a goal, or making progress. Earning belts in martial arts is all about goal setting and teaches kids that hard work and effort pays off.
When kids feel accepted and understood by a parent or someone close, they are likely to accept themselves, too. Their good feelings about themselves multiply as their sensei or teacher praise good behaviors, help when needed, and give encouragement and support. Students in martial arts support and encourage each other. Events like graduations, social events and being part of a team of other positive kids is all part of Martial Arts.
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The Winner’s Exchange refers to an exchange in which the buyer receives more value than what they pay for the product or service that they purchase. I learned this principle from Grant Cardone, sales trainer and author of the 10x Rule, and thought immediately about the services we sell at KMMA. I have no doubt that the benefits of the training that we provide are far more valuable to the buyer than the tuition that we charge. Yet there is a second premise to the Winner’s Exchange that absolutely MUST be present for the first to be true. I will address both, and what we (both seller and buyer) must do to ensure that the winner’s exchange takes place.
The first premise of the winner’s exchange was simply that the buyer must receive even more value than the money that they paid for the good or service that they purchased and received. In the case of our martial arts programs, children receive self-esteem, focus, discipline, confidence, communication and many other character and leadership skills that will serve them well for the rest of their lives. How can there be any doubt that this is worth exceedingly and abundantly more than we charge? The truth is that we could charge 10x as much and the benefits of our program would still be worth it. The confidence, character and leadership skills KMMA develops and instills in our Blackbelts is priceless.
These benefits exist for our teen and adult students too and we haven’t even spoken yet about the physical fitness and real-world self-defense aspects of the program that most adults actually begin for. Youth, teens and adults get more physically fit which is of course also priceless in a modern world where obesity and other health related illness are actually the greatest threats to our safety of all; but what of the student that actually does get the unfortunate opportunity to apply the self-defense techniques of our system? I say unfortunate because the physical aspects of what we teach is real world life or death self-defense stuff. It is unfortunate should anyone end up in a situation where they have to use violence to defend themselves. It would be more unfortunate if they find themselves in the same situation unequipped to do so. Should a KMMA student ever have to apply what they have learned and trained for in self-defense, the fact that they had the confidence, skills and mental preparedness to get home safely makes this training, again, priceless.
There is therefore indisputable evidence that the training that a student receives through our KMMA programs delivers the winner’s exchange. Not always, though, and this brings us to the second premise of the winner’s exchange. Grant Cardone used the example of one of his books. He said that if he sells the book to the customer and the customer takes it, reads it and applies it, that $30 book may be worth $30,000 or more to the one who read it. This is a winner’s exchange because the buyer receives so much more value than what they paid and now will even become an avid promoter of Grant and his work because of the amazing value received. In the example, however, where the buyer never reads the book, the value is never delivered and the winner’s exchange never really took place.
Unfortunately, this is what happens when we fail to get a student through their program. I mean, the truth is that even a few months of training at KMMA will positively affect anyone, but the real deep and abundant benefits of training happen at Blackbelt and beyond. One of our slogans at KMMA, which I got from my mentor Grand Master Greg Silva, is that “This Is A Blackbelt School”. What this means is that it is our goal to get every student at least to Blackbelt and to deliver the fantastic physical, mental, spiritual and communal benefits that this experience provides. These benefits go with the Blackbelt out of the dojo and into the world, making them be better fathers and mothers, daughters and sons, brothers and sisters, students, teachers, employees, employers, business people and, in short, be more successful in anything and everything that they do, every goal they set and every role they play! If I sound like I am promising a lot it is because I know that it is true! I have experienced this in my own life and seen it in the lives of many blackbelts we have had the honor of training over the years since we opened in October of 2000, including my own sons. It is remarkable the transformations that occur with time in training on the Blackbelt Quest and beyond.
That is why I take it so personally when we fail to take a student to Blackbelt. Rather we fail to make them students during the enrollment process or fail to retain them long enough to become blackbelts, I have always felt that we have failed to deliver the benefits we could. In the context of today’s lesson, we failed to deliver the winner’s exchange. Regrettably, this has happened more often than I hope. As I guess I have made clear, it would be my goal to make every student that walks in our door into a strong, confident Blackbelt. So, what can we do to improve the situation and create more winner’s exchange and more Blackbelts?
For Team KMMA and other instructors reading this, we need to do better at every single thing we can to help students succeed. There are many retention procedures on and off the mat that help. I believe that the most important thing of all, though, is that we help them feel like, believe in and start becoming the champions that they can be before they can be. We must inspire confidence and greatness in our students before they possess these traits. Training has to be fun, but more importantly powerful. Classes have to be entertaining, educational and exciting, but more importantly empowering. We must see and create the Blackbelt excellence in all of our students long enough to help then see and create the same in themselves.
Parents, spouses and other family members reading; I know you want to help too. If you were not interested in the benefits for the ones you love, you wouldn’t have put them in our program and you wouldn’t be reading this book. The absolute best thing you could do is also get training. There is something powerful about the family that sets and achieves their betterment goals together! If anything keeps you from this though, you can help by helping us bring out the best in your kids. Encourage and inspire them. Praise their efforts and progress as well as their successes. The latter will come, but the prior come quicker. The good feeling that they get from your encouragement will make them want more. And, when they don’t perform their very best, challenge them to fulfill their potential, but never speak into existence anything less than the winners they will be. We give instruction and example of how to do this in my VIP (Very Involved Parent) coaching classes. Be sure to attend the next one if you haven’t yet.
Finally, if you are reading this and are a student of the martial arts, trust the law of the process. We tend to see everyone else better than they are and ourselves worse than we are. This can create a kind of unhealthy competition that causes us to lose confidence and feel that we are not progressing quickly enough. This is one of the disempowering feelings that causes people to quit. Another is the opposite, wherein you feel like you have seen the same thing over and over again and therefore you know it. This is also disempowering, because it will cause you to get bored and quit long before you ever actually master the skills that you are learning. So, for your training, I will prescribe the same formula that I would for you to empower and create success in any area of life. Set worthy goals (like becoming a Blackbelt) and work consistently and persistently until the object of your desire becomes your reality, and then set the next bigger goal. Trust the law of the process, which tells us that excellence happens daily but not in a day. Come to your Sensei, myself or somebody else that has been where you want to go when you face the inevitable challenges along the way; no great quest was ever won without the slaying of the occasional dragon. When you apply these principles consistently over time, they will become habit and then these habits will form your destiny.
Grand Master Stephen DelCastillo
• Your child comes home missing things or his property has been damaged
• Has injuries he can’t or doesn’t want to explain.
• Has not interaction with other kids after school.
• Seems nervous taking a school bus or walking to school.
• Finds or makes up excuses as to why they can’t go to school
• Takes alternate routes home
• School grades are slipping
• Appears lonely or sad.
• Complains frequently of headaches, stomachaches or other physical ailments
• Loss of appetite
• Has lost self confidence.
Note: Children with disabilities may be at a higher risk of being bullied than other children.
Noticing signs like these are your cue to talk to your child and his teacher or counselor.
When talking to your child be sure to connect first.
Example - I’ve been seeing a lot of news reports about bullying. It scares me. Is this type of behavior happening at your school? Are you or your friends having any problem with others picking on you? Who are some of your friends at school? Any kids at school you don’t like? Why don’t you like them?
Follow up with the teacher and ask how your child does socially in school? Who he is friends with? Does the teacher think your child could be bullied or teased?
Continue to seek help. If these signs are not those of being bullied you will want to find out what is causing them. If he is being bullied take some action steps to rebuild his confidence self esteem and possibly his self defense skills before things get physical.
To stay healthy or improve health, adults need to do two types of physical activity each week: aerobic and strength exercises.
To stay healthy, adults should try to be active daily and should do:
at least 150 minutes of moderate aerobic activity such as cycling or brisk walking every week, and strength exercises on two or more days a week that work all the major muscles (legs, hips, back, abdomen, chest, shoulders and arms)
75 minutes of vigorous aerobic activity, such as running or a game of singles tennis every week, and strength exercises on two or more days a week that work all the major muscles (legs, hips, back, abdomen, chest, shoulders and arms)
A mix of moderate and vigorous aerobic activity every week. For example, two 30-minute runs plus 30 minutes of brisk walking equates to 150 minutes of moderate aerobic activity, and strength exercises on two or more days a week that work all the major muscles (legs, hips, back, abdomen, chest, shoulders and arms)
A good rule is that one minute of vigorous activity provides the same health benefits as two minutes of moderate activity.
One training program that's been around for 2000 years (must be good) Is martial arts. Martial Arts combines flexibility, aerobic training and strength training. 2 - 3 classes a week will provide a moderate workout for beginners and a vigorous workout for intermediate and advanced students. But there are bonuses. You will be part of a great supportive community and have the benefits of self-defense.
1. Remind yourself every day it’s a constant improvement
If you tried to sprint a marathon full force you would never make it so to apply the same mindset to maintaining weight loss is not only silly but a set up for failure.
2. Stop buying your problem foods
If you have a penchant for sweet, savory, fried, or all of the above and find yourself saying, “I’ll buy just one package of [insert problem food here] so I can have some when I really want it…”, it’s time to stop. You’re creating a comfort zone for self sabotage. Just don’t buy it, okay?
3. Keep track of your nutrition when you feel you’re losing your grip
Eating too much or eating too little are both equally are the nemesis of maintaining weight loss. The best way to combat that war is to keep track of your nutrition when you feel most out of control.
4. Keep track of your results.Become a “Tracker?”
“That which is measured improves. That which is measured and reported improves exponentially.” -Karl Pearson
If you’ve ever kept a tracking chart for anything you wanted to improve, you know this is true. The effect borders on the miraculous. Trackers find themselves taking enormous action to improve the things they track almost unconsciously.
5. Memorize this phrase, “No thanks, I just ate.”
When you’re trying to make better choices regarding eating, it’s easy to get bombarded with turbulence over, “you can have just ONE” or “I heard not eating can be BAD for you” when in reality they just want you to join in on the fun. When you say “No thanks, I just ate,” it cuts down on the need to defend yourself BIG TIME.
6. Drink as much water as you can
I mean it. Not only will you stay hydrated but your body will be running on all 8 cylinders keeping you constantly tuned up.
7. Ask yourself, “Will I be happy with that decision an hour from now?”
Odds are the answer is no and it helps to focus on the outcome rather than the instant gratification. If the answer is yes, then that’s what you should be doing! Self accountability at it’s finest.
8. Establish an accountability buddy
It helps knowing that someone else understands the struggle of maintaining a healthy lifestyle and having an appointed friend you can call or text in that moment of weakness can do wonders for talking yourself off the ledge. Even if you don’t call/text it’s a great tool just knowing you can.
9. Get rid of all your bigger sized clothing
You don’t need that safety net anymore and when you have no choice to get back on track unless you want to buy a whole new wardrobe, it can be motivating to get back on the health wagon.
10. Never give up on yourself
Believe you are the person you want to be already. You just may have gotten a little off track. You need to love yourself in order to want the best for yourself